Poll

Which 3 scripts do you think best met the challenge?

A Timely Reminder
5 (25%)
Thumbs Up
2 (10%)
PSA: Bin Your Butt!
4 (20%)
The Chance
2 (10%)
Bush - Declassified
3 (15%)
Shine
1 (5%)
FeloBreeze
3 (15%)

Total Members Voted: 7

Voting closed: May 24, 2013, 10:43:05 PM

Author Topic: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*  (Read 2385 times)

Writer Arena

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Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« on: May 19, 2013, 10:43:05 PM »
Time to vote on the amazing fantastic commercial challenge.

Read the 6 scripts attached. 

Vote on the 3 you liked best.  You can only vote if you are a member of Writer Arena.

Discuss the scripts in this thread but don't tell us what you voted for. 

Be sure to be prompt about voting because the poll will automatically expire in 5 days.  You won't be able to see the results until then.

Have fun!

 
« Last Edit: May 20, 2013, 12:08:00 PM by Writer Arena »

Dave Troop

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - Vote
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2013, 01:48:09 AM »
That was the quickest challenge I ever entered.

Thanks for submitting.  I enjoyed reading them all.

Quite an amazing  variety of fantastic talent.

Reef Dreamer

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - Vote
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2013, 03:16:15 AM »
Yeah, thanks Michael. Something different and easy to write, but tricky to be effective.

Mr Troop - you might as well put your name on yours ;D ;D ;D

Actually this was a difficult little challenge to pull off in an effective way. Anybody in advertising around here?

All the best.

Writer Arena

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - Vote
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2013, 09:05:06 AM »
Oops! My bad. I submitted stuff a bit early.  So there's another entry added.   Be sure to read it.  I believe the poll will let you change your votes if you so choose.   I'll be reading them all a bit later today. 

Writer Arena

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - Vote
« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2013, 12:06:00 PM »
Here's my comments.

  • A Timely Reminder: Thought this was well done.  Not much to criticise.  Felt like a real advert.
  • Thumbs Up: I thought this was well done but a bit heavy-handed.   Oh well, PSAs can sometimes be a bit heavy handed.
  • PSA: Bin Your Butt!: This was cute as can be.  Maybe a bit too amusing to be a PSA - but I suppose it can be.
  • The Chance: I liked this but I'm not sure I got it.  Did the hit man accidentally kill his father?  (Don't answer that until the vote is announced).  Also, unless I'm completely wrong, I'm not certain hit men are advert material.
  • Bush - Declassified: Fantastically funny! But I think it's a bit too satirical to be an advert.
  • Shine: I thought this was well done.  Maybe a bit on the heavy-handed side but again PSAs can be.
  • FeloBreeze:  Another very funny one! But again maybe too satirical to be an advert plus... Murder in an advert?
Great job guys.  I enjoyed reading them.   

Mr. Blonde

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2013, 12:20:28 PM »
I've only been able to check out three thus far and have a busy night ahead. However, I'll have completed them all by tomorrow. Should be good times. =)
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

Pia

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2013, 01:02:42 PM »
I haven't had the time to read these. Will try tomorrow and then vote.

Mo

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #7 on: May 20, 2013, 06:54:37 PM »
Hopefully will have time to read these tomorrow! 7 is a good number for a growing site.

tailbest

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #8 on: May 21, 2013, 01:28:44 AM »
I've been busy with my jobs, hopefully tonight I will have some time to check these out!
Why don't we just...wait here for a little while...see what happens?
Why don't we just...wait here for a little while...see what happens?

Mr. Blonde

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #9 on: May 21, 2013, 11:23:09 AM »
A Timely Reminder:
Story was fine. Had a couple grammatical and spelling mistakes, but didn't take much away from the story. The "amazing" and "fantastic" were forced because of the contest. You should also turn off the automatic character continueds.
Bush-Declassified:
Story was cute. I got a couple chuckles. I can tell you ran out of space because you didn't have a title card before the fourth picture. A little off-putting because all the others had one. "Amazing" and "fantastic" also felt a bit forced.
The Chance:
Holy paragraphs. Lol. I'm not big on the way this one played out. Long setup and the payoff wasn't entirely satisfying. The plot, I hate to say that because it's an advertisement, but I will say, seemed very muddled and I'm sure that's a result of the one page stipulation.
Bin That Butt:
I could tell the tone you were going for, but it wasn't for me. Too slapstick and, from the dialogue, was kind of redundant. You were doubling up on things in dialogue and description. Just not feeling this one.
Shine:
I liked the set-up, but the ending was a bit odd. Not odd--I knew exactly what you were going for--but it seemed like such a dramatic shift that it came out of nowhere. The wording on some of your descriptions were a bit odd as well, with some missing grammatical elements. I almost want to say it's done to comedic effect because... I can't quite put my finger on why.
Thumbs Up:
Not much to say because there's really not much here. It works fine telling the story through pictures but it would have worked better without the dialogue. It's kind of obvious the only reason it's there is to fit in "fantastic" and "amazing". Overall, though, it works.
FeloBreeze:
For the most part, it has a feel of one of those Billy Mays-style informercials but had problems stemming from the page restriction. It starts off a little weak, but the middle's pretty clever. The ending's all right but your slogan is pretty cute.
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

Mo

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #10 on: May 21, 2013, 07:18:46 PM »
A Timely Reminder - I liked the ending but I didn't like the way how you got to it. I'm not sure if I like the family angle, and even if it's filmed, it would be near impossible to know if this the guy's family IMO.

Thumbs up - Although a little cliched, there were a few things to be liked. The thumbs up made it a little more original, not sure if I'd go with cocaine though, maybe heroin or meth.

Bin That Butt - Pretty sure I know who wrote this. Yeah, I liked it, ending was a nice touch, not sure if the 'pro' cigarette comment at the start would work in an ad.

The Chance - Not bad but I think there could've been better ways to illustrate your point (muddled like mentioned above). The writing also feels off, probably because of page constraints.

Bush Declassified - Not sure if this one works entirely, I wasn't a fan of the jokes, they feel a little tacked on. Maybe it's just me though.

Shine - I got what you were going for but I feel as if the football angle isn't the best way of showing this. It doesn't really have a clear message either, the Super tells us to stop domestic violence, but it seems to say that football bets are the cause for it, and that's what we should focus on. I may be in the wrong here though if that's what you were going for.

Felobreeze - Haha, I quite liked this actually. It's not advert material but would definitely work on a few sketch shows, I remember the Chaser doing many different variants of these types of ads.

Finished, that was pretty fast and fun. Good job all around though, it's hard to have a pay off in a one page script so it was nice to see one in every script.

Writer Arena

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #11 on: May 23, 2013, 11:39:25 AM »
Another day or so to go.  Has everyone voted?  Does anyone want to change their votes?

tailbest

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #12 on: May 24, 2013, 12:42:42 AM »
I'm hoping to be able to review and vote later tonight after work.
Why don't we just...wait here for a little while...see what happens?
Why don't we just...wait here for a little while...see what happens?

Writer Arena

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #13 on: May 24, 2013, 08:37:34 PM »
It looks like there's only a couple of more hours until voting closes.   It's automatic, no Michael involved.

Writer Arena

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #14 on: May 24, 2013, 11:42:34 PM »
And a big congrats to the winners...

First place...

A Timely Reminder by Reef Dreamer

A close second is...

PSA: Bin Your Butt! by  MainShane

Tied for third...

Bush-Declassified by Dave Troop
FeloBreeze by tailbest

And our honourable mentions...

Thumbs Up by Mr. Blonde
The Chance by Mo
Shine by Daniel

Reef Dreamer

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #15 on: May 25, 2013, 02:54:58 AM »
Cheers for that Michael, fun little exercise.

And well done to those who tried something more adventurousness and fun than mine.

Daniel Botha

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #16 on: May 25, 2013, 08:15:55 AM »
Hey Bill! Our first ever winner on Writer Arena! I can't say I expected different, but congratulations to you nonetheless.

Thanks everyone for entering. This was actually an incredibly hard one to judge, IMO. It was a close call with my top three (The Chance, A timely Reminder and Thumbs Up).

Congrats to MainShane, Dave Troop and tailbest. Solid performance guys.

Dan

Dave Troop

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #17 on: May 25, 2013, 01:15:11 PM »
Congrats to Reefer for writing a whole page without killing off one of his characters!
I will give you a special Karma click for that, buddy.   :D

Good job everyone.

MainShane

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #18 on: May 25, 2013, 07:50:50 PM »
That was fun.  Look forward to the next one. 

Shane

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #19 on: May 26, 2013, 12:21:09 AM »
Pleased to see that everyone enjoyed this challenge.  I'm cooking up something special for the next one which I'll schedule for, say next Sunday (the 2nd), or is that too soon?  I thought that would be a good time because it will give people a chance to get over their MP scores and they won't yet be starting their next MP script.  It's not too taxing of a challenge, though it will most definitely be a challenge.

Reef Dreamer

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #20 on: May 26, 2013, 01:53:14 AM »
Dave - karma vote, wow. Never had one of those before.

 In fact, I am changed man, no more death and depression, loss of children etc  Once you are able to review my next MP script it will become clear.

Ok, I still like killing them off, in the most tortured way

Mo

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #21 on: May 26, 2013, 01:21:00 PM »
Nice job on the win, Bill.

I actually thought you wrote Bin Your Butt, whoops! I'm terrible at guessing writers.

Also, Michael, yeah, he killed his father. I was trying to aim at something like this. :)

http://www.youtube.com/v/VELQ39QAYP4
« Last Edit: May 26, 2013, 01:25:01 PM by Mo »

Alex

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #22 on: May 29, 2013, 11:26:59 AM »
Hey all,

I came in a bit late with this one though did a read of them all anyway.

Bill, Well done. For one page it certainly felt like more of a story.

Also loved FeloBreeze and found it very witty. Well done Tailbest.

All where great. 
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tailbest

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #23 on: May 30, 2013, 12:39:52 AM »
This was a really fun challenge. Great job to everyone who entered.
Why don't we just...wait here for a little while...see what happens?
Why don't we just...wait here for a little while...see what happens?

Alex

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #24 on: May 30, 2013, 11:21:30 AM »
So what was the brief for this one as I can't see anything posted ?? I assume a one page commercial on kicking a bad habbit ?

Regards Alex
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Daniel Botha

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #25 on: May 30, 2013, 03:55:30 PM »
Alex, the thread has been locked, but you should find all the info you need here

Cheers,

Dan

Alex

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Re: Writing Challenge #1 - *Vote*
« Reply #26 on: May 30, 2013, 05:35:37 PM »

Thanks Dan :)
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